I don’t remember how young I was , somewhere in between 5 to 7 I guess and I don’t remember what happen to that owl, when one of my uncle asked me to hit him with a stick. It was not only uncle, but also some more people were there. I hit him. I don’t remember how I ended that evening. I have no memories of what happened to the owl . Many years back now, while going through genocide studies and trying to immerse myself, it reminded me of my cruelty and that physical torture towards that bird. I regret with my hands , It did not let me sleep, it disturbed to me. I was naïve that time, more precisely now I think I did not question to my uncle that time, when I was asked. I began to reflect and reflect, and later I realized one of the story I am living by, is not to question your elder and older people even if wrongs are happening. I am shocked and disturbed that how I was being molded into the system , I am not accusing my uncle or blaming him, It was also how he was living by the stories and narratives he came across with and how this society is raising and how he and me is being nurtured. This was one cruelty I found myself in pain now than any ever. I began to realize and re look at that particular incidents of my life. The second cruelty that happen again in my life, was again in the very young age , may be 10 or 11 , I was asked to kill hen and unable to kill it with one shot and I was repeating my attempts and at the same time on of the old people who was drunk saw me and hated me for what I have done to him. He was very angry at that time. He kept repeating every time he saw me and telling others about what I did to hen with the knife. I have never seen such hatred on me before. That day became the last hen I killed in my life. The third cruelty I encounter when my aunt is first hit and killed by public bus in the highway capital of Kathmandu on the daylight with the traffic surveillance in 2011, first minor hit and then again the bus used the back gear and drove the vehicle above her waist and killed her on the spot and that driver walked free after 35 days of police custody and about 1 million Nepalese Rupee penalty. The laws have made the provision that if the person became disable or have long term damage, then the driver has to compensate all the medical bills throughout the life. These sort of killing people are often encouraged to avoid life long medical bills , and if the person dies and you pay a lump sum and you will get rid of it. These policies are not securing the pedestrian life that doesn’t let them walk free but after killing pedestrian it will and it has surely led the perpetrator walked free. These cruelties are rampant and every day we are being cropped, many of us neglect and try to walk away while some gets lifelong pain and pressures.
I did not question then neither to me , nor to my action and not even to the thought that encouraged my that particular behavior . I question today , and keep questioning myself, while going through the immersion in the genocides happening in the human histories while reading about it and watching the documentaries. Human are one of the animal, I began to understand that each of us are capable of the cruelty and violence that will harm others. My questioning to my belief which governing and guiding my action and behavior, and how did I get influence by the family, culture, festival , community help me to immerse myself very deeply in the social experience and social wounds that I am a part of it and I am not proud of it. I am very guilty of it. Deep questioning helped in the healing journey that I want to take, to reboot myself and reclaim the better version to become better for the people who are in my surrounding and for the community as well.
One of the critical component in human , is they are capable of communication in a very sophisticated way and also in a very efficient way. The science of communication that human has developed with the languages especially verbal, now with visual with machine supported communication, is actually encouraging the cruelty in today’s society among humans. Yet, we are at the same time equally capable of being compassionate, loving, kind, generous and courageous as well. The communication which is actually a tool for human society to help and heal each other since the evolution of ability to communicate has been actually been used as a weapon to hurt and hinder each other, now beyond human society. The human ability of communication and cooperation is being weaponized now with the modern education system with the help of technology , and also the economic system is highly encouraging it in every nook and cranny that it is reaching . Today its not only the human are becoming cruel, but the education , health service, food, economic system, even laws and policies are cruel in nature that is escalating cruelty in disguise in many aspects of the human society including eco-socio and spiritual space is becoming violent. We have not yet realized the violence of non violence which are more meta-physical and less physical in nature is exploding in many parts of the so called globally connected world. We have had long roads and air routes but yet we lack short walk to our fellow neighbor and share our compassion and confrontation. We have bars and fence to isolate from our fellow humans , borders and walls to isolate from our fellow nation . We haven’t learned to relook at the tragedies and cruelties that we are capable of and we have created in the name of development, growth, progress , GDP and completely lost the regenerative radical space to harness eco-socio-spiritual space for all the beings. Today, we have commoditized/corporatized not only the foods but also our souls , which is manifesting ecocide and genocide of not only of human, but of children, women, but of eco-system and also of many sentient beings. Genocides of beyond human is happening which is why mother earth is bleeding with the damage it has caused for all the sentient beings. We have turned ourselves into the inert raw material in the pursuit of growth in which we have lost our beingness , lost the totality of human being in relation to our doings. Our doings have killed our beings. Our doings have been strongly enough cruel in killing our beings . Our doings have killed what we are capable of actually ability to communicate and cooperate; compassion doings has been more cruel and violent and become more scary in today’s times. The laws and policies are becoming weapons to support such cruelties in the name of compassion which is why the compassion has also been lost and sold out at large public expense.
nirmal
pragatipath1 
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